Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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