i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
