I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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