bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
