That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
