nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
