I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
