Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
