i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
