The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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