I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
