i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
