Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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