We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
