Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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