Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
