I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she told me i tasted like america
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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