Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize