I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize