I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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