ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
