He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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