drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
