Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
