I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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