Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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