i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
