Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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