i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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