we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
