quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
