It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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