your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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