I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
