I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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