If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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