so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
