ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
