i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
