I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
