I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
