Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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