You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
