I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
