he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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