dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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