Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
