please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
