Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
