i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
