I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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