Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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