how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
