I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
