And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
