I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
