Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
True strength comes from lack of pants
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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