Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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