I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize