I met the friendliest cop last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
