I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
