"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
