He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
