dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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