I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A+ Viking dick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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