I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
