I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
...so i touched it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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