She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
pray to the hookup gods
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
