You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
