Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
