My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize