he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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