Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
