Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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