everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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