We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
