Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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