Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
