ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
