I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
