i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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