oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
